ErikaYvonne

-The Barrier is Down-

You clawed at my walls
And left me bare
Your love has caused
Nothing other than despair

I am bound here
I'm broken into four
You took part of me
I'm not your whore.

Give me back my sanity
Take away this fear
I'm going out on a limb for you
I'm letting you near

If you're going to hurt me
Or ever let me down
Let me know before this goes further
Tell me here, tell me now

You'll end this now before you can cause me any hurt
If you love me like I love you so
You'll never make me choose, or act like someone else
And if you do, you'll let me go.

-May 14, 2005

-Mouth-

These hands of mine
They are so cold
My heart is black
Or so I'm told

These tears I have
They vaporize
They show my pain
And tell no lies

These eyes can see
Right through you
They know when
You hide the truth

This mind in here
Knows your pain
All those times
You have been slain

But this mouth of mine
It diguises emotion
It won't let you see
My truest devotion

This heart I have
It beats for you
It's all it knows
This is true

These feelings inside
Are bottled in
They try to come out
But they can't win

Because my mouth
Is angry and bad
It's one wish
To make you sad

So if you need
To see past all this
Everything will come out true
If it's this mouth you kiss.

-May 12, 2005

-House-

My tears a swallowed
No more can I give
For I am in a house
Where love can no longer live

You don't know my secrets
I don't think you ever will
For I dwell in a shadow
That makes love ill

I tell lies to you
And you do not know
For I have a heart
Where love cannot go

If you really knew
All these feelings inside
But I am a person
From which love will hide

And I judge you a lot
I neglect what I feel from within
For I have a mind
That cannot let love in

But my eyes are honest
It's where my truth survives
They need to see you
And will keep love alive

And my tears are still vacant
To you I want to give
But I still sit in this house
Where love can no longer live.

- May 13, 2005

-Suicide-

Dear life,
If I say good-bye to you, don't be mad. If i feel this isn't good enough, don't be sad. Wishful thinking doesn't exist in this world of mine. Imaginary friends no longer keep in touch, everything is out of line. Needless, helpless no where to go. They said I had it good, but what the hell do they know? Unwanted feelings crawl inside of me. They don't know how to back off, or how to let me be. They want to hurt me badly. I'm afraid to say it's working... sadly.
Good-bye cruel life, not meaning to hurt your feelings. I feel I hold a genuine fruit, with blackend, rotted peelings. No one wants to take their time to get to know me. They turn and look at me, they don't like what they see. They have lashed me with their cruel words, and I bear with all that pain. I've sat in a shadow of silence, and it's driving me insane. I don't know how to do it, to take a knife or use a rope. I've been to mental hospitals, but I can't cope. I want to know why everything is wrong. Why no one can love me, or let me belong. I feel bare naked, in an isolated cold. Curled up, with tears that are old. Do they not see what they've done? I'm retiring, I am defeated, they have won! They've beaten me, and tore my skin. Deep in my wounds, lies all their sins. "Why me?" I ask this darkness. Because I'm the most worthless. So now good-bye forever, good-bye... words no longer said. I will lie here on the floor, and you will find me... dead.

(My Last) I Love You

And my breath is taken
I am weak
Lean I closer
These are my final words I speak.

You are my angel
Loyal and true
You have been there
For that I love you

As I bleed
I go into a memory
Of our sweeter days
Oh so sweet memory

Let me go peacefully
Gracefully say good-bye
Just remember this last I love you
As I now lay here and die

-May 23, 2005

Dying Day

So many times
have I wanted to die
Never have I yet succeeded.

It's not like
People care about or love me
My mind has been defeated.

I am not aloud
To express myself
So what am I here to do?

I am said to be
Defected in some way
Because I don't look like you.

They say that
Dying young
Is so overrated

I am not one
To follow a crowd
Instead I have debated.

So I leave this
Intolerable world
That's all I have to say.

Cause I'm choosing
When to leave here,
This is my dying day.

-May 24, 2005

-Eternity-

I sit here in my corner
so dark
The light of my cigarette
my spark

I feel I have missed a step
I've fallen
The voices in my head at this time
are calling

Deep into a peaceful slumber
I long to go
My minds only answer
is no

I cannot eat, live right
no sleep
All my eyes do is observe
and weep

No comfort do I feel
not anywhere
Afraid to close my eyes now
so scared

My light is gone now
dark again
No companion to hold me
no friend

Every one of them...
disappear
My love is vacant see
my point is clear

How I have longed to know
to understand
My brain will not stop
its know no command

So this is how it is
and will be
My precious tears have stained
there to see

My slumber is not yet here
awake
It's all because of you
make no mistake

So now I call for eternal rest
no more breath
I wait for my final destination
oh beautiful death.

- May 24, 2005

-Decay-
You twist my limbs
My bones are sore
All this pain
I can bear no more

My flesh is cut
From it I bleed
I lay in dirt
Maggots I feed

My eyes are swollen
I see black
I've lost my vision
It's not coming back

My taste deminished
The flavor is gone
My throat is raspy
My voice is done

I understand
This is my last day
I'll let the earth take me
I now decay.

-March 31, 2005

My Own Test

I am fool
The kind you cannot forgive
I am here to do harm
Insanity, it's how I live

I am broken
Beaten by cruel mankind
Nothing left open
I can find no where to unwind

I'm not bulletproof
I just don't like to feel
I end up hiding
The part of me that's real

I can touch
All there is, is air
I can imagine
But it doesn't mean you're there

I can act
But I am not the best
I can be smart
But I can't pass this test

I am damned
My patience as thin as thread
I am entombed
Driven mad in my head

Soft spoken, no
My tolerance does not bend
I've told you all about me
Good night, good-bye, the end

-May 31, 2005

-Nothing-

I am lost for words
I don't know what to say
Paper is useless, so is this pen
My mind is blank, all over again
Can I be helped, is there a cure?
Or should I just sit here
Admiring what I have
This nothing.
It's cold, dark this epitomy of death
So I sit, and I'm wondering what is next.
Who'll enter my life now and drain my soul,
Pick up and leave me, just like all the others
Carry on, carry on away from me
Oh sweet nothing
Scrambled about through my mind
in and out of my thoughtless world
Have I managed to touch you in away?
Will you feel guilt for leaving me?
If not, than so be it
But can I pretend we had something?
I want this to be mutual
But you obviously do not feel the same
This nothing.
It drives through my wounds, like hammer and chisel
Always will you be engraved in my skin
Do you remember me at all?
Or have I completely vanished from your mind
Do you feel sane now?
Knowing I'm not in your life
My heart returns to it's black hole
But never has it, or will it ever forget you
Little nothing.
Target of my hatred and profanity
Is what I truly made you think
When inside played all the opposite words
They could not escape,
So to honestly deny my prescence and the fact
that you once knew me
Is completely understandable, because of the hurt I caused
Nothing.
What I truly felt for you was love, an understanding
a comprehension beyond your words, in your eyes I watched
There's always a light in there for you
In the deep and darkest hour,
I wanted to help you, but these oblivious restraints
kept me from ever telling you the truth.
I felt shackled to concrete when I tried to tell it, like it was
Hatred manifested as my only escape, but this was temporary.
So live on your life, as I disappear from it
My existence diminished, and my plague upon you finished
Live on, my sweet nothing, live on.

-June 14th 2005

Piczo